Not gonna lie. It was kind of a rough day.
Where I should have been thankful, I wanted more.
Where I should have rejoiced, I wept.
Where I should have felt God's peace, I felt like a storm.
Mother's Day 2014 was not one of my finest. Caleb wanted to have fun with me since according to him "Mother's day is when Moms play games with their kids!" :)
But within five minutes of every game, or the walk we took, or whichever else, Mr. Caleb was a bit whiny and tempered.
Or maybe I was the one tempered. Maybe I missed the opportunity to enjoy the now. I know I tried, but it was really hard to find it in me.
I'm having a hard time expressing how urgent I feel lately. I want to hop on an express plane to the Philippines and bring our Little C home. I want him here. In our now I want to see him, feel him, hear him, smell him. I want to learn about every freckle, hair colic, smile, temper, giggle, and look that he has. I want to hear his voice, watch him move, feel his heartbeat.
I want to know an answer.
We have been given no time frame other than "a little while" as to when we will hear about our paperwork being finalized. And if you can't tell, I'm starting to go stir crazy. I very much dislike hanging in limbo. I long to hear my phone ring and see my agency's name flash onto my phone screen.
Argh.
Frustrating. Yes. But I don't want to leave you with only downer feelings, as life is not awful and mean, much the opposite. Life can throw major curve balls and make you feel crazy with anticipation, but life also gives so many great things. We are waiting in the balance and I'm frustrated, but I also want you to know the wonderful parts to my Mother's day...
I got to think about all of the times I have spent with my Mother and how blessed I am to have her in my life. She is one amazing lady. She is the one who taught me how to give, be gracious, and how to love unconditionally.
I reflected on the other "Mom's" in my life, my Grandmothers, Mother-in-Law, Godmothers, Relatives, Friends, Co-workers, and I couldn't help but smile. I am blessed ten-fold by so many wonderful and caring women in my life.
Playing games with Caleb I could see how tall he is growing, how his mind is full of new knowledge, how is hair is already an inch longer since a couple weeks ago, and I couldn't thank God enough for giving me the opportunity to be his Mom. What an honor it is to have him as my son.
And then I heard these words..."When we adopt Little C Mom..." Love it when Caleb says this. He is ready too. We are all waiting and are anxious.
Supper was also made by Jon and it was fantastic! He is working hard to keep me grounded during this time of waiting, and for that I am very grateful. I may not be the most exciting person to be around when I'm nervous - Thank you Jon for loving me even through all of my faults.
It was kind of a rough day - but within the rough, diamonds can be found.
Thank you for all being great prayer warriors. I know so many of you are praying for us and for Little C. Thank you for everything. Hope you all had a good Mother's day weekend. Hope to tell you soon of new news! Until then...
In Christ,
Mara
Where I should have been thankful, I wanted more.
Where I should have rejoiced, I wept.
Where I should have felt God's peace, I felt like a storm.
Mother's Day 2014 was not one of my finest. Caleb wanted to have fun with me since according to him "Mother's day is when Moms play games with their kids!" :)
But within five minutes of every game, or the walk we took, or whichever else, Mr. Caleb was a bit whiny and tempered.
Or maybe I was the one tempered. Maybe I missed the opportunity to enjoy the now. I know I tried, but it was really hard to find it in me.
I'm having a hard time expressing how urgent I feel lately. I want to hop on an express plane to the Philippines and bring our Little C home. I want him here. In our now I want to see him, feel him, hear him, smell him. I want to learn about every freckle, hair colic, smile, temper, giggle, and look that he has. I want to hear his voice, watch him move, feel his heartbeat.
I want to know an answer.
We have been given no time frame other than "a little while" as to when we will hear about our paperwork being finalized. And if you can't tell, I'm starting to go stir crazy. I very much dislike hanging in limbo. I long to hear my phone ring and see my agency's name flash onto my phone screen.
Argh.
Frustrating. Yes. But I don't want to leave you with only downer feelings, as life is not awful and mean, much the opposite. Life can throw major curve balls and make you feel crazy with anticipation, but life also gives so many great things. We are waiting in the balance and I'm frustrated, but I also want you to know the wonderful parts to my Mother's day...
I got to think about all of the times I have spent with my Mother and how blessed I am to have her in my life. She is one amazing lady. She is the one who taught me how to give, be gracious, and how to love unconditionally.I reflected on the other "Mom's" in my life, my Grandmothers, Mother-in-Law, Godmothers, Relatives, Friends, Co-workers, and I couldn't help but smile. I am blessed ten-fold by so many wonderful and caring women in my life.
Playing games with Caleb I could see how tall he is growing, how his mind is full of new knowledge, how is hair is already an inch longer since a couple weeks ago, and I couldn't thank God enough for giving me the opportunity to be his Mom. What an honor it is to have him as my son.
And then I heard these words..."When we adopt Little C Mom..." Love it when Caleb says this. He is ready too. We are all waiting and are anxious.
Supper was also made by Jon and it was fantastic! He is working hard to keep me grounded during this time of waiting, and for that I am very grateful. I may not be the most exciting person to be around when I'm nervous - Thank you Jon for loving me even through all of my faults.
It was kind of a rough day - but within the rough, diamonds can be found.
Thank you for all being great prayer warriors. I know so many of you are praying for us and for Little C. Thank you for everything. Hope you all had a good Mother's day weekend. Hope to tell you soon of new news! Until then...
In Christ,
Mara
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