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Announcements

So maybe the blog header is a little misleading today... there are no announcements to be made. But announcements, I would like to talk about.

What was more exciting for Jon & I, then to tell our family and friends about the baby growing inside of me! For two years I listened to numerous family and friends announce their upcoming arrivals, while we waited to make ours. The day finally came, and oh how good it felt! But then there was the other thought I had... who is saddened to hear that I am now pregnant? Because this is the feeling I not only had then, but now have had for at least a good five years of my married life.

When we finally made the decision to adopt, I felt freedom. It was like a big "burden" was taken off my shoulders. I could smile again when I heard the big announcements. It was finally a reality that we too would be growing our family, so I could stop worrying about not being pregnant.

This feeling of freedom from my thoughts, unfortunately, hasn't seemed to last long.

Last week our caseworker asked, "How do you feel when others in your life are pregnant." I truthfully answered that it used to be extremely hard for me, but now that we started the adoption process I finally didn't feel so upset. And then this last week happened. In the course of the last seven days, I have had at least five family or friends announce their upcoming arrivals, and I have found myself increasingly agitated by these announcements.  Am I happy for them - Most Definitely! Am I frustrated that isn't me - yep.

Yes, we've started the adoption process, but we have so long to go still. There is no announcement to make other than we sent another stack of mail to the corresponding agencies. There is no date to be spoken of. I want to shout from the rooftops that we are adding to our family, but in all reality, that could be two years away. I understand that that day will come, the day we can make Our announcement, but I selfishly want to be like the other girls... "our family will grow in (insert month)"...  "we are having a (insert gender)"... 

These are the real moments in life. The moments that test us. When something so simple and beautiful - an announcement - can feel like a punch to the gut. But it is my reality, one I'm doing my best to live with and understand.

But, God is with me and my family on this journey. I fully believe that He is not only here with me right now, giving me a huge hug - but he is also with my children, wherever they may be. He has a plan and will stick to it, no matter how many tears I shed or how many praises I send up. It's because of this knowledge that I am so thankful for my family and friends that have shared their good news announcements. May God bless them and their little ones soon to join us. I'm looking forward to the day that my children can meet them . :)

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