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Showing posts from May, 2013

late night question

Why did God choose for us to wait, just in time to waitagain?

Our journey with adoption began in 2010. We had started looking into all of our options, researching the pros and cons of domestic vs. international adoption, learning more about the hundreds of options for agencies, and researching the many different countries we could adopt from. At the time I fell in love with AGCI and the principles they stood for, as well as the prompt and friendly responses I had from the caseworker we were working with. I was also interested in foster care and was studying what that would mean within Iowa, where we lived at the time. And then reality struck, the likelihood that we would move out of Iowa was very real. If we started any type of adoption process at that time, basically all would have to be started over if we were to move to another state. So we stopped the process.

Physically the process was over. Mentally, I wasn't satisfied with this answer.

We were smart though. We listened to…

decisions to be made

Last week I was taken a little aback by the news that it could be 3.5 years until we would be bringing our children home. I knew this would be a process, a long process, and maybe I was kidding myself thinking that somehow our process would be shorter. We still do have the potential to have a shorter process since our parameters are not extremely narrow, but we will still be no where near what my head was hoping for.

In the recent months it had crossed my mind that I could see us adopting more than once, but what a process that would be! If this is a 3-5 year process, to start all over again seemed like so much. But now our minds are racing with a new hope...

Because of the letter they sent us, we learned that simultaneous adoption is an option. The thought had never even occurred to me to look into this option, but I'm becoming quite excited about the prospect. With simultaneous adoption, we would be part of two different adoption programs within our agency - Ethiopia & Bulg…


What to do, what to do?
Well, there's not much we can do.

We received an email yesterday stating that timelines for Ethiopia adoption have become MUCH longer than they usually had been. To the tune of 3.5 years until a referral... yikes.
In the last few years Ethiopia had been allowing many adoptions within a short timeframe, which has now led to some corruption. Due to these events, Ethiopia has taken steps to try and cut out the corruption. While I am very thankful that we are trying to end the corruption, it is a bummer for the timeline of adoption.

My stomach has been sick all day thinking about our children. There are so many kids that Truthfully and Honestly need homes, but because of sick people in this world who worship money over the value of a childhood, our children are stuck in an orphanage somewhere in Ethiopia.

And, I worry about Caleb. He so badly wants his brother and/or sister here. Right now. Tomorrow if possible. How is he going to wait three more years?


To be 30

Last night I had a dream that I was pregnant. It was very real. I was going into labor and it was on my birthday, which was an exciting prospect. Granted, I know the dream came because I watched "Grey's Anatomy" last night and someone gave birth, and I was going into labor on my birthday because in reality, tomorrow is my birthday.

This year I hit one of the milestone birthdays - 30. Yes, I know I'm still "young". I  really don't feel like this is making me much older, but it is hitting me harder than I thought it would. A few months ago I laughed about the fact that I was almost 30, but today, as I sit and mull it over - I'm not too excited about the fact that I'm 30.

Why not? Well, I thought life would have been a little different I think. Not a ton different. At 30 I hoped to be married, living in a house, have a career, have a family, and I am very blessed to have all of these things. But the things that didn't happen before I was 30, w…

Early Mother's day

Today was a special day for me, as I got to see a small snippet of my child's love for me. This morning as I dropped him off at Daycare he made sure I knew... "Even though I'm here, you'll know that I love you because I'm in your heart - right Mom?" My knees went weak, I choked back tears, and then praised God for the little blessing in front of me. Oh how I wish I didn't have to leave my little boy every day for work. We've found a little ritual though that gets me through the day. Whenever we leave each other, we blow kisses, catch them, and put them in our hearts. So even though I dreaded leaving his smiling face today, he helped me by blowing me my kiss out the daycare window. Then catching mine, I could read his lips: "put it in my heart." Will I ever forget these moments? Will I ever forget what it feels like to have his little hands around my neck? Or have him tell me it is time for eskimo kisses? He already seems so old to me some…

Forever in our hearts, Birthday girl

This is the beautiful birthday girl today. In this picture she had recently turned 6, today she turns 8. Two years ago, Jon and I were blessed to have two extra little ones in our house for a summer. Their Mother was ill, so they needed a place to stay for a little while. It was a CRAZY summer, as Jon had just started a new job, we moved to a new town, and all of a sudden we had a 3 month old, 2.5 year old, and a 6 year old. Ok, crazy I'm not sure really covers how different that summer was for us, but even with all the craziness and changes, I wouldn't have given up that summer for anything.
It is hard to believe it has been almost two years since they were here with us. Caleb still talks about them like he was playing with them just last week. Tonight we were fortunate to briefly talk on the phone with the birthday girl and it brought tears to my eyes. I miss her and her brother so much. Caleb was upset too. So upset that he barely talked to her because he started getting…

Through different lenses

Pictured is Caleb in his new, and quite infamous, goggles. He found these, attached to a kid's leaf blower, at a garage sale. Me, being the pushover Mom that I am, caved in and bought the pair for him - more so for the goggles than the leaf blower. Thus, they were quite the spendy goggles. But in hindsight... it was the best money I've ever spent!
Caleb wore those goggles for almost 48 hours straight - including to church. The preschool students even sang on Sunday - and he made himself front and center so that I would be able to see him. He not only was the most stylish (hehehe), but he also sang the loudest, and got some of the most laughs. Yep, he's my son alright.   :)

Oh how I love this kid.

I've have been thinking more and more about how I view not just my son, but all kids. As a music teacher, I see close to 200 kids everyday. Each child has his/her own unique personalities, each child has different strengths and weaknesses, and every child has been raised in a…

Always trust your gut

Remember that exciting feeling I had last night?

Well it sank. Fast and hard.

I did mail our education workbook today - that is still good. But I was also happy to finally get our passport renewal papers in the mail. I got everything together and double checked, thinking "Do not get this wrong. You do Not have the time for it to not process in a timely manner." So I breathed a big breath and thought, Mara- stop freaking out, it's all good.

It was not all good.

An hour after I sent the passport papers I saw Jon's pictures sitting on my van console, right next to the stapler I brought so they could be stapled onto the form. It was 10 minutes past the post office closing time.

And my stomach sank. It turned over. I felt like crying.

I know, I know. Don't freak out. It is really a small thing in life compared to so many other things. But why couldn't I have just gotten it right!?! I could kick myself! And now I'm going to worry even more that it won't all…

The "end" of chapter one is near!

Holy Toledo I am excited tonight!!!! We finally finished all of our education requirements and packed up the workbook to be sent off to our agency tomorrow. This is a HUGE weight off of our shoulders. Don't get me wrong. I really do like to learn! But when on a timeline and expected to write and take small tests - yikes. None of it was really hard, it just all took a lot of time. Now I'm excited to start reading the suggested materials and books listed throughout our education manuals and classes. I do believe it will be a lot more fun reading on my own timeline. It is interesting to think: if I had had to do this before Caleb was born, I just may have been a little more ready for his arrival. Doing the hours of study that we did, sure would make a few people think twice before having a biological child, let alone adopting. The education has opened our eyes even more to how our family may look like, how it may function, and how we might have to take multiple steps back to reme…