Waiting Stitches

Four years. Four years ago today, our second blessing jumped into our arms for the first time. Four years ago today, these two became brothers and best friends. Four years ago today, all our worlds changed. And yet, how can it have only been four years? Feels like he has been our son from day one. The Lord blessed us ten-fold the day we met you, my son, our Tope. My world is better with you in it.

Siblings.  Not by blood, not by choice, not by the perfect of circumstances. Siblings. Placed together by the hands of God. Placed together through love. May not get along through many circumstances, but love each other with a love most will never understand.

If all of us can only understand what compassion and grace truly mean,  this world might be a better place.  ~Pastor Dan Montenegro There is a person I have dreamed of seeing again. I imagine our Tope, ten years older, as a young man, going back to where he was raised the first five years of his life. The walls of his orphanage would take shape and memories would form for Tope, memories that he would both share and keep to himself. We would share our memories too. Memories of when the gate opened and we first saw his face. Memories of the children that surrounded us, watching as he met his Mom & Dad for the first time. Memories of the caretakers that had spent so much time and love on our little boy. And then we would not just see the building, the new children living here, the memories of past and present, but we would see Pastor Dan standing there, standing proud and grinning as he would hold out his arms to embrace our son.  This man.  He is...

How often do you think God looks down upon us and laughs at the things we think and say? I have to think, if I were God, I would be having a good chuckle at least every other hour just listening to my thoughts alone! Here was His chuckle... Mara: "I think we are destined for all boys in this house. The craziness of these boys! oy! This is my life." God: "Lol! Haven't you heard that Everyone agrees that girls are much harder than boys!?!" Mara: "For certain the only "cute" clothes I will buy will include a collar and buttons." God: "Hehehe! You do realize that girls don't just need a pair of tennis shoes for the winter and sandals for the summer, right!? They need dress shoes, sandals, tennis shoes, cute boots, real boots, shiny shoes, easter shoes, christmas shoes...." Mara: "It would be fun to have another female in this house. These boys could use more feminine presence. They are much less crazy. " God:...

For baby girl and big boy A - Here is the time I must say goodbye to you, my sweet, sweet children. For almost four months, you have been a part of our family, a part of our daily life, and a big part of my heart. Please know I do not see this as a forever goodbye, for I know I will see you again. It may be next month, catching up at the park. It could be next fall, waving in the hallway at school. Maybe we will see you at your next birthday party, and I can see how tall you've grown. Or perhaps we will attend your graduation, and congratulate you on the fine young adult that you are. And in the card I write you, I'll remind you of the the four months we had together, and how you still have a part of my heart. Although maybe the next time I see you, time will have passed by many, many years. I will be at the store or I'll be walking down the street and I'll think-what a beautiful and confident young woman that is, or what a handsome and kind young man he is...

For the woman who sits alone today... For the woman who doesn't know him... For the woman who grieves... For the woman who misses all her firsts... For the woman who isn't reading a bedtime story tonight... For the woman who doesn't know what it feels like to hold him... For the woman who counts the days until the next visit... For the woman who wonders about the future... For the woman who gave birth to a beautiful, perfect, child... This is for his Mother. This is for her Mother. This is for the Mothers of my children. I am blessed by your child. Each and every day I see the works of God behind your child's eyes. There is love, wisdom, charisma, hope, faith, and joy behind those eyes. When your child smiles, I am right there smiling along. When your child cries, I'm ready to comfort, to hold, to wipe the tears away. When your child is scared, I do my best to wipe away those fears. When your child misses you... I stop. I breathe deep. For I kno...

With Easter just passed, I was realizing that I never listened to Jesus Christ Superstar - one of my favorite past times during Lent, as the music has always led me to think about Christ and how he related with his family and friends in those last moments before his death. Plus, I'm a sucker for any music from a musical. Imagine that!? So -  What's the buzz? Tell me what's happenin'.... This year I missed the Superstar boat though with little downtime at home; however, I did find myself listening to Godspell  one day as I organized my bedroom and was reminded of one of my favorite songs and its' lyrics.... All good gifts around us Are sent from heaven above So thank the Lord, oh thank the Lord For all His love I really want to thank you Lord! All good gifts - my life is filled with so many. God is blessing us richly with a life that is full of truth, love, and spirit. Along with these blessings comes a multitude of new knowledge, so...

So the title may have had wittier moments in my head, but in all reality, it is full and honest truth. Six months as Foster Parents. I would like to know where the last half of a year went... This summer was quite the season.  Although it is supposed to be a season of warmth, relaxation, and vacations, we were in a Winter. A really long, brutal, stormy winter, where you hunker down in your house and wonder when the storm will pass. On the sunny days of this winter, we basked in the light and enjoyed the 30 degree temps. On the cloudy, sub-below temp kind of days - well, we made it through to the next day. To say I have learned more in the last six months than just about any other six months in my life, would be a completely accurate statement. The learning curve my husband and I have been on has been huge. There are days we scored a perfect 10. And there have been many more days where we have scored a 2, if being gracious in the scoring. Trauma is - well I have words for it, ...

Life. Holy Toledo. Life has been, well, not sure if crazy really covers it at this point, but I'll go with that - Life has been crazy. I've been silent for awhile. There are the obvious reasons for the silence - A. I rarely have time to sit B. I'm exhausted C. Not a lot of time spent on me lately D. There are things I legally cannot write about to keep our kiddos safe But there are other reasons I've been silent. Silence is easy -  with silence, you don't have to answer the questions that haunt you. I think this silence comes from not knowing exactly what to say. The silence comes from this feeling of such overwhelming desire to have answers and knowledge of the unknown, that speaking outwardly of that unknown is - well - it's scary. About a month into our journey of welcoming four more children into our home, I read this article The Silence of Adoption    and I understood everything this woman was saying. Her words struck a chord. It was exactly eve...

I've been hinting there is another part to our journey as a family and we have officially began our next steps to growing our hearts and sharing our love.  We have decided as a family that we are on board to be a part of the foster care community. Although we wish we could help even more orphans across the ocean, we realize there are many orphans right here in town that also need the love of a family. We do know our ultimate goal is to adopt again, but have no idea how soon or far away that time may be.  Of course, although this alone sounds like a big new step, we ended up diving head first into this decision! Within a couple weeks of our first meeting, we have our first placement. We are still licensed as a foster family because Tope was considered by the state as a foster child until his adoption was legalized by the courts. Because of this, and because we knew someone, who knew someone, who knew someone-we got a call Monday night asking if we would be willing to bring home...

One year ago we met this little boy.  One year ago, we became a family of four. One year ago our lives shined a little brighter. We learned our son had a smile that could light up a room and eyes that twinkled with love.  One year ago we started a bond and an attachment with a child that will forever be ours.  We officially became a Forever Family. One year ago a brotherhood began. Their ties are strong and become tighter every day. One year ago... We often say adoption is not for the weary. We not only had to run a race to bring our child home, but we ran a full marathon, a marathon riddled with twists, turns, and hills. The cheering along the way from our family and friends kept us going, and many prayers to our good Lord above kept us running even when we felt like catching a break. One year ago our lives completely changed and there has been no looking back. BOTH our boys are our world, our joy, our chaos, our fun, our lo...

It is a blast listening to our children and their imaginations. The boys are at the perfect age for creating all sorts of stories. Anything from Superheroes to pirates, filled backpacks to boxes of tinkertoys, legos to blankets taped under tables; these boys think of just about everything. Yesterday it hit me as I watched my two in action and I remembered how just about a year ago Caleb would say how bored and lonely he was. Although he had this imaginitave side, Mom and Dad just weren't as much fun to intrigue him with this kind of play. Not going to sugar-coat it, raising two boys 8 months apart in age has its advandtages and disadvantages. Just as fast as these two can start having fun, they can also become very upset with eachother and have their moments of frustration, but through both happy and frustrated, I can tell that these two are most definetly brothers. It's what I had imagined and prayed for, to hear siblings laugh, bicker, sing, tease, jump, talk, dance, and...

It has been just over two years since we saw this little boy's face and he became part of our heart. We have known he is our son, one of our own, a part of our family for a very long time, but now we also have a piece of paper to prove it. Today he is officially a SCHACK.  Today was an exciting day that had implications that even our oldest understood. He insisted on wearing his best clothes and I had no argument over showers this morning and wearing the "uncomfortable" black shoes. The boys' energy was undeniable - I know this because they were literally bouncing off the walls - no seriously, more than once one of them climbed up or jumped off a wall. They were excited to meet the judge, have their family and friends surrounding them, and most importantly they were both very excited that Tope would finally have Schack in his name.  The judge was the sweetest lady. She had a confident and soothing voice and was full of smiles for this occasion. She e...

You know that thing when life changes? At first you are excited, everything is going great. You are on top of the world and although life isn't perfect, you know it can't get much better? Then you start realizing the nitty-gritties, the things that are starting to stir at your bellybutton. The small parts to the change that suddenly start feeling so huge. You start to panic. Your stomach starts to not agree with you and you regret this, and that, and this again. And then you calm yourself, take a deep breath, look at the positives around you, and tell yourself "this too shall pass". Until that wave of anxiety passes over you again and you continue the cycle of happy, nervous, anxious, happy, nervous, anxious - over and over again. This is where I'm at right now. Everything seems almost too overwhelming. So many changes, both older changes and new changes, that just aren't settling well. I'm trying so hard to stay positive and ride along with ...

I just got the best hug from Tope. The best! Granted it is 9:30 PM and I wish he was asleep, but after a two hour nap with this Mama earlier in the day, he is still quite awake. I think it should be illegal for Mom's to get sick. Seriously. If only I could talk to God and let him know that it is a cruel thing to do to Mothers. There is just not enough time in the day for us to feel like all we want to do is crawl in a hole and sleep. For the last 10 days I have been miserable. I started with a terrible head cold that has now turned itself into a sinus infection. I've never had a sinus infection, and hope I never have one again! I've been so drained, can't taste my food, and have more and more things piling up every day that really need to get done but I'm too dizzy to do them. The kids have actually been awesome though. They have been letting me sleep and do a decent job of staying out of the way when I'm not feeling well; however, I've let them get away...

We dreamed of this day all last year. We thought for sure both boys would be in school last year, but with the timing of Tope coming home, that never came to fruition. And now the day is here, we have two children in school. TWO. It is slowly sinking in. Two children to get ready in the morning, two that need lunch money, two with parent meet & greets, two needing new tennis shoes, two coming home with fundraiser sheets, two GREAT BIG SMILES running out the door today ready for their first day of school.  It was a bittersweet day for me. I really enjoyed my time home this summer with these two. We stayed busy with a lot of different activities, time in the sun and at parks, traveling to see family, and just sharing time together. But I am ready for routine again, ready to see my kiddos at work as well, and start having fun in music class. I was also ready for the boys to be around new friends and continue to learn in the classroom. Along with all of this excitement tho...