Someone who understands

Love this video! May not make a lot of sense to those who aren't in the middle of an adoption, or who have done an adoption, but to me it was an amazing 3 minutes! So great! It is nice to know there are people out there that understand me! :)

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Siblings not by choice

Siblings. Not by blood, not by choice, not by the perfect of circumstances. Siblings. Placed together by the hands of God. Placed together through love. May not get along through many circumstances, but love each other with a love most will never understand.

Love & attachment

As I hug and kiss my son goodnight (for at least the third time, 2 hours past his bedtime!) I can't help but think about my other children. How I long to hold them in my arms, kiss them goodnight, show them how much they are loved, let them know that I will always be their mother. Yesterday Jon and I attended our first education meeting. This was put on by our local agency conducting our homestudy. The focus of this meeting was to talk about what to expect once our children are home. We learned a lot about "triggers" for our children - when life could be more difficult, we also learned more about attachment issues, and we learned/discussed what it will be like for our children to live in a "white privileged" family & neighborhood. Since this education, my mind has been swarming with many different thoughts. Many I'd like to try to convey into my writing, although this may take a few blogs. Tonight, as I work on getting my son to go to bed - and Stay ...

That feeling

It happened again. In church of all places. A place where a heavy heart should be thrown out of the window. A place where envy isn't welcome. A place where I should be reminded, more than any place else, that I should trust God. That icky feeling happened. The feeling where I question God. I wonder why . The feeling where I envy the pregnant lady. I envy the families with multiple young children. I envy the baby being held. I pretty much despise this feeling. I hate how it feels when it creeps up into my mind. I dislike the water that starts pooling in my eyes. And I feel like such a fool for having such thoughts. The blessings in my life are beyond measure, especially when it comes to my wonderful little boy, Caleb. But I still question - "why?" What do you suppose is God's answer when I ask? Is He scoffing at me and saying "not this again Mara." Is He pleading with me, "would you just Trust?" Is He rejoicing, saying "I'm th...

Waiting Stitches

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